Stay True to Your Voice

and Keep Your Online Garden Weed Free

Here’s something I know for sure: If you show up as your full self online (IRL too), someone is going to get offended. They might tell you you’re “too much,” “too aggressive,” “not nice enough.”

Or they might—like someone did to me last week—say that you’re scary just because you didn’t change who you are to make them more comfortable.

I posted a line from Saturday’s newsletter — a real, honest question I had written to myself: “What the fuck would a perfect diary even look like?”

It’s a real question. It’s the exact way I talk to myself in real life. I grew up in North Jersey in the age of the Sopranos. We use profanity as terms of endearment (except my grandma—she’s a purist but has absolutely no problem telling you to “go to Hackensack”. It’s me, it who I am, where I come from, my heritage.

Someone replied saying they loved my work, but they didn’t like when I swore and asked me not to use profanity anymore.

I responded politely but clearly: this is my authentic voice, and I won’t be censoring it.

She replied again, saying that she left my community years ago because of my language—and then said she suspected other people felt the same but were “too scared” to speak up.

That’s when it crossed a line.

Let’s be real:

If you’ve ever actually read anything I’ve written, taken a single one of my classes, or sat in on any of my live sessions—you know that my entire goal is to help people show up authentically, speak their truth, and tell their stories.

If you’ve gotten offended because I used the word fuck, about my own artwork—you may have been “following” my work, but you sure as hell haven’t been paying attention.

And if you’re trying to tell me that I should tell my story differently because that’s how you want to see a woman show up in the world?

You are missing the entire fucking point.

Being Yourself Isn’t Mean — It’s a Creative Survival Skill

✨ You can be kind and direct.
✨ You can be warm and hold a boundary.
✨ You can say “this is how I talk” and still create an inclusive, welcoming space.

And as artists, as creatives, as people who tell the truth for a living — we have to protect our peace.

Once you’ve made your peace, block that shit and let it go.

That person is not a customer.
They’re not going to champion your work.
They’re not helping you build the kind of community you want to be in.
They don’t get to take up space in your online garden.

You get to curate your space.

Keep it a place where the people you want to show up—want to show up.

Real Friends on the Internet Are the Actual Goal

And you know what happened right after this whole weird passive-aggressive exchange?

My friend Darien shared the kindest, most generous note telling her people to come check out my work.

She didn’t have to. She just did. Because that’s the kind of person she is—and that’s what real friendship online looks like. Showing up with kindness and authenticity when your friends need a boost.

Darien is amazing. She’s a writer, a community builder, and a soft place for artists who need space to be themselves.

She hosts these incredible live microprose sessions, where you can get real writing done in the company of people who get it. She brought my zines to AWP in LA earlier this year (yes, we’ve got a pic of that, and yes, she’s a total gem).

Your Story Matters zines at A

That’s what creative community looks like: we hold the door open for each other.
We lift each other up when someone else tries to dim our light.
We share the good stuff — not because we’re told to, but because it matters.

You can make real friends online. The kind who don’t flinch at your voice. The kind who pass the mic back to you. The kind who carry your zines to the other side of the country just because they believe in your work.

Stay yourself. Use your words. Find your people.

They’re out there. I promise.

Your Turn

Has there ever been a time when someone made you feel like you were too much online?

Or a time you stayed true to your voice anyway?

I’d love to hear about it in the comments 💬