This is Me. Right Now.

Sep 10, 2013

I spent the summer trying to preach the importance of Finding Your Voice, and now that September is here and I'm transitioning into a new day-to-day routine, I'm pushing myself to prioritize documenting who I am right now. Along with 30 Days of Lists, Week in the Life, and some other documentation projects, I think it's important to just sit and write about yourself -- get all those thoughts and feelings out of your head.

While I was laying in bed last week with a fever, I was playing around on the internet and came across this list of 50 questions to ask yourself. I'm a sucker for talking about myself through questions, so I thought this would be a fun introspective way to kick off the fall.

1. What are your nicknames? What do you prefer to be called?

K, Kris, my cute cat-based life form alter-ego is named Kitty. Obviously rukristin (pronounced r-u-kristin) is also on the list, but that's more of an online nickname -- its a bit of a mouthful when it's said out loud.

2. What books on your shelf are begging to be read?

Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas R. Hofstadter

and Wildwood by Colin Meloy

3. How often do you doodle? What do your doodles look like?

All the time on my scrapbook pages. Lots of thin lines. Geometric patterns. Little clusters of dots. Almost always with a black felt tipped pen.

4. What do you do if you can’t sleep at night? Do you count sheep? Toss and Turn? Try to get up and do something productive?

Throughout my childhood and even up until the middle of college I was terrible at sleeping. I had the hardest time falling asleep, and it was a very serious stress on my life. Since then I've gotten my sleep routine down to an art, and I generally don't have trouble falling asleep whatsoever.

About 30 minutes before sleep time I take a melatonin pill (which also helps to keep from waking up in the middle of the night with a cluster headache). I make a list of the things I need to do tomorrow. It really helps me to get all of the worries out on paper and know that I can wake up and everything I need to remember is already written down for me. I then put on my soft eye mask and stick in noise-cancelling headphones. To fall asleep I listen to audiobooks -- mostly the Harry Potter series.

5. How many days could you last in solitary confinement? How would you do it?

I'm not sure. I was thinking about this a few weeks ago when I was watching Orange is the New Black. I think if I had a way to tell myself stories, or write down stories then I would last a lot longer. I don't really mind being by myself -- but I really really hate being told what to do.

6. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away?

Save them, obviously. Depending on what they're for I'll either store them in a box (like for my 21st birthday party); or if they're pretty I'll display them on my shelf or put them into my Project Life album.

7. Who is the biggest pack rat you know?

Mother.

8. When making an entrance in to a party, do you make your presence known? Do you slip in and look for someone you know? Do you sneak in quietly and find a safe spot to roost?

Sneak in quietly. Find a corner. Watch people. Maybe have a conversation with one or two people. I'm a class-A introvert, parties suck the life out of me.

9. What is your strongest sense? If you had to give one up, which would it be?

Intuition. Does that count? If not -- then sight. I like to be able to see things.

I think I would give up smell. I don't think I need that one as much as the others.

10. How many times a day do you look at yourself in the mirror?

11. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child?

That 'adulthood' was a real thing.

12. What is one guilty pleasure you enjoy too much to give up?

Twilight audiobooks. Or Wild Cherry Pepsi.

13. Who performs the most random acts of kindness out of everyone you know?

Jeffrey. He buys me cute little presents all the time. He makes me feel special when I'm not expecting it.

14. How often do you read the newspaper? Which paper? Which sections?

NY Times magazine on Sundays during football. And whatever articles j puts aside for me. To be completely honest, my arms are tiny and holding the paper is really uncomfortable. I'd rather read my news on the internet.

15. Which animals scare you most? Why?

Animals that have x, y, and z axis movement (the jumping and flying kind). It makes their movements so much harder to predict, and it creeps me the hell out.

16. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on?

Engage it head on. I cannot avoid conflict. If conflict exists I need to resolve it. Unsettled conflict eats at my soul and tears me apart like nothing else.

17. What was the most recent compliment you’ve received and savoured?

I could spend hours reading @rukristin's blog. Hours.
— Justine (@justinesayss) August 10, 2013

18. What is something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will?

My anxiety.

19. Are you a creature of habit? Explain.

Yes and no. I know what I like, so I tend to gravitate towards those things; but I crave knowledge and adventure so I have to branch out in order to fulfill those needs.

20. Are you high maintenance? Explain.

Emotionally: yes. In all other ways, no.

21. When was the last time you really pushed yourself to your physical limits?

Driving home from New England a few weeks ago. I was on my 900th mile of driving in three days. I pulled off at a rest stop and just kind of laid there and cried for a little while. I really underestimated the toll it would take on me both physically and emotionally.

If we're talking just physical -- this May I took a hike with my dad. The first 1000 feet had a 18% incline, it was practically rock/stair climbing. It mellowed out a bit after that; but man was that seriously difficult.

22. Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why?

Just a few close friends. I like close relationships. I'm an emotional person and too many people being too many emotions to the table and it gets overwhelming.

23. Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others?

It depends on the day. :)

24. What’s a strange occurrence you’ve experienced but have never (or rarely) shared with anyone?

Chicken Pox as a 21 year old. It was awful and incredibly painful and it makes me upset to even think about it. The chicken pox were everywhere. I never realized how painful it could be to be a woman until I had chicken pox. everywhere.

25. What do you think about more than anything else?

How things fit together. What parts fit with what other parts and how I can change them around to fit with even more parts. Although generational + cultural critical theory is up there too.

26. What’s something that amazes you?

Infrastructure. Especially the views from airplanes or tall buildings :)

27. Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why?

I hate bullshit. It's boring and a waste of time. We have words -- lets use them effectively.

28. Where’s your favorite place to take an out-of-town guest?

Fette Sau in Brooklyn.

29. What’s one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why?

I'm actually not sure. There are things that I don't do that if I had extra money, I might hire someone. Like cleaning. I'm really bad at cleaning. I'm great at organizing, and keeping things in their place -- but I hate the actual cleaning part.

30. Do you have a catchphrase?

Cats.

31. What’s your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs? What conditions cause you to dislike or, conversely, enjoy talking with them?

I'm okay with anyone who's outspoken about their believes as long as they don't infringe on anyone else's beliefs. I don't like when people bully their beliefs onto others or advocate for abuse or intolerance. I can carry on long conversations with people that hold very different beliefs than I have, but we each still hold a deep respect.

32. How and where do you prefer to study?

In bed, on my stomach.

33. What position do you sleep in?

On my side, with a leg pillow, my pig, and Harry Potter on my iPod.

34. What’s your all-time favorite town or city? Why?

Ugh. Such a hard question.

Chicago -- It was like a mini-NYC with awesome architecture and a lot cheaper.
Burlington, VT -- I think I want to live here. The committment to local food and progressive politics made me feel very welcomed.
or NYC -- cause its the greatest city in the world and I could spend months there and do a new thing everyday.

35. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new?

Open-minded
Kind
Tolerant

36. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you?

I'm the first born. It's a big part of who I am. If anyone messes with my little sister, I will end them. Also, I will make fun of her every chance I get.

37. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be?

I'd want my knee repaired so that I could play sports again.

38. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be?

I don't think I have any in particular. If I screw something up with a person, and I want it to be fixed, I go out of my way to fix it. I hate letting things sit and get all screwed up.

39. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?

Cats.

40. Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not?

Absolutely not. Ignorance might be a blind bliss for an individual -- but we should strive for a bliss for everyone.

41. What do you consider unforgivable?

Cruelty and bullying.

42. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not?

On the whole yes. I've learned a lot from past mistakes -- but there are always those times where I get down on myself and use my past failures as a way to beat myself up a little bit more.

43. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize?

How can you forgive someone who isn't sorry for what they've done? I can forget about it; but forgiveness is a serious thing, and shouldn't just be thrown around undeservedly. That being said -- sometimes people apologize in ways other than saying the words 'I'm sorry' and that needs to be taken into account as well.

44.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for?

Yes. They're all pretty terrible things to talk about though. So lets just leave it at that.

45. To what extent do you trust people? Explain.

I'm not sure. It depends. I don't really trust people all too much, until they get close to me, then I trust them forever -- its like magic.

46. In what area of your life are you immature?

I think that's a boring word -- it means so little. Next question.

47. What was the best news you ever received?

My mom didn't die in surgery.

48. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular?

Not that difficult. If you know how to communicate effectively, honesty even when hurtful and unpopular can result in long-term happiness.

49. When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long term result? Conversely, are you close with anyone now that you really disliked at first?

Jeffrey. I fell in love with him the first time I met him. At the time I thought I was just intrigued and wanted to know him more, but it was love.

50. When do you find yourself singing

All the time? When I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I want something. When I want to be annoying.