Or they might—like someone did to me last week—say that you’re scary just because you didn’t change who you are to make them more comfortable.

I posted a line from Saturday’s newsletter — a real, honest question I had written to myself: “What the fuck would a perfect diary even look like?”

It’s a real question. It’s the exact way I talk to myself in real life. I grew up in North Jersey in the age of the Sopranos. We use profanity as terms of endearment (except my grandma—she’s a purist but has absolutely no problem telling you to “go to Hackensack”. It’s me, it who I am, where I come from, my heritage.

Someone replied saying they loved my work, but they didn’t like when I swore and asked me not to use profanity anymore.

I responded politely but clearly: this is my authentic voice, and I won’t be censoring it.

She replied again, saying that she left my community years ago because of my language—and then said she suspected other people felt the same but were “too scared” to speak up.

That’s when it crossed a line.

Let’s be real:

If you’ve ever actually read anything I’ve written, taken a single one of my classes, or sat in on any of my live sessions—you know that my entire goal is to help people show up authentically, speak their truth, and tell their stories.

If you’ve gotten offended because I used the word fuck, about my own artwork—you may have been “following” my work, but you sure as hell haven’t been paying attention.

And if you’re trying to tell me that I should tell my story differently because that’s how you want to see a woman show up in the world?

You are missing the entire fucking point.

Being Yourself Isn’t Mean — It’s a Creative Survival Skill

✨ You can be kind and direct.
✨ You can be warm and hold a boundary.
✨ You can say “this is how I talk” and still create an inclusive, welcoming space.

And as artists, as creatives, as people who tell the truth for a living — we have to protect our peace.

Once you’ve made your peace, block that shit and let it go.

That person is not a customer.
They’re not going to champion your work.
They’re not helping you build the kind of community you want to be in.
They don’t get to take up space in your online garden.

You get to curate your space.

Keep it a place where the people you want to show up—want to show up.

Real Friends on the Internet Are the Actual Goal

And you know what happened right after this whole weird passive-aggressive exchange?

My friend Darien shared the kindest, most generous note telling her people to come check out my work.

She didn’t have to. She just did. Because that’s the kind of person she is—and that’s what real friendship online looks like. Showing up with kindness and authenticity when your friends need a boost.

Darien is amazing. She’s a writer, a community builder, and a soft place for artists who need space to be themselves.

She hosts these incredible live microprose sessions, where you can get real writing done in the company of people who get it. She brought my zines to AWP in LA earlier this year (yes, we’ve got a pic of that, and yes, she’s a total gem).

That’s what creative community looks like: we hold the door open for each other.
We lift each other up when someone else tries to dim our light.
We share the good stuff — not because we’re told to, but because it matters.

You can make real friends online. The kind who don’t flinch at your voice. The kind who pass the mic back to you. The kind who carry your zines to the other side of the country just because they believe in your work.

Stay yourself. Use your words. Find your people.

They’re out there. I promise.

Your Turn

Has there ever been a time when someone made you feel like you were too much online?

Or a time you stayed true to your voice anyway?

I’d love to hear about it in the comments 💬

Substack Notes is my favorite corner of the internet right now. It’s full of smart, kind, curious, creative people who get it—and the kind of conversations that unfold there are just so delightful. But I know I’m not the only one who’s opened Notes with the best of intentions… and then looked up 47 minutes later wondering what just happened. 🙃

Yesterday, I was chatting with some folks in the Writers at Work Notes Boost chat, and someone asked what our different systems were for connecting with people here on Substack Notes. I put in my two cents—and someone asked me to turn it into a Note (see below). And it got me thinking about putting that info in a more permanent place than the fleeting Substack Note.

So today, I wanted to dive a little deeper into the system I use to show up with intention on a daily basis and keep my actual to-do list from falling apart.

This isn't about productivity for productivity's sake. If you know me, I abhor just checking off boxes for the hell of it. This is about staying grounded in community, building relationships, and being a good internet friend—without letting the scroll suck me in.

Here's how I make it work for my brain and my workflow:

💻 Step 1: Start with a boost link

I usually begin by clicking on one of the daily boost posts from folks like or . These are packed with thoughtful Notes from all kinds of people, and they give me a curated jumping-off point that’s way more intentional than just opening the feed and starting to scroll.

Once I’m in the boost, I’ll right-click and open up about 10–12 of the linked Notes in new tabs. This gives me a little menu of conversations to dip into—and it keeps me from endlessly scrolling, because I’ve already picked my focus for this round.

⏳ Step 2: Set a 10-minute timer

I’m a big fan of working in small, focused bursts—especially for things that are important but easy to overdo. So I set a timer for 10 minutes on my Apple watch and go through the tabs, one by one. I read each Note and try to leave thoughtful, present replies wherever I feel moved to.

The goal here isn't to reply or restack every single one, but to be real and engaged in the conversations that light me up. I treat it like a mini snack break with internet friends. In fact—actual snacks do make it even better. These are my go-to right now.

⏱ Step 3: Back to work (for real)

When the timer goes off, I actually go back to my other work. Sometimes it’s a specific task I want to finish, sometimes it’s another 25-minute sprint (hello, Pomodoro people) or 90-minute focus block, or just making progress toward whatever deadline is coming up next.

The point is: I use Substack Notes as a pause, not a derailment.

🔁 Step 4: Wrap up and reconnect

Once I finish that work chunk, I’ll pop back over to my tabs (if I didn’t finish them) and either continue responding or catch up on any new interactions—replies to my replies, new comments on my own Notes, that kind of thing. And then maybe I’ll start another round with a new set of 5–6 Notes later in the day.

I’ll do this a couple times total throughout the day. That rhythm works really well for me—I get the connection I want, and the creative momentum I need.

🖥️ Bonus tip: Use a real computer

This one’s huge. Everything I just described? Way, way easier on a laptop or desktop than on the app. On my phone, replying takes forever, switching tabs is annoying, and I end up getting distracted and then doom-scrolling when I meant to be participating. On a computer, I can flow through my tabs, type faster (with better responses), and be done in a third of the time. I promise it makes a difference.

Community doesn’t have to mean always being on. For me, it’s about showing up with intention, staying present in the conversations I want to have, and then letting go when it’s time to get back to the rest of my life.

Notes is such a fab tool for connection, but like any tool, it works best when we use it on our own terms.

If you try this strategy—or you’ve been using one of your own that works—drop a Note or reply and let me know. I’d love to hear how you’re navigating this space and making it work for your creative life.

Yay internet friends! 🧡

I just spent an amazing 45 minutes on a live event with and , sharing how Substack has become my all-in-one home for podcasts, newsletters, and my daily pages.

I talked about how giving myself 15 minutes a day to be kind on Notes has worked wonders for my mental health, how curating my feed keeps things genuinely positive, and why the half-life of a Note means my words actually stick around (instead of vanishing in a day).

I loved hearing Leslie’s insights on food culture and “Cooks Without Borders,” which was a perfect reminder that what makes Substack special is its real-human vibe—no endless brand-speak, just honest connections that help our creativity grow. And Sarah led the conversation on how the Notes Boost Challenge can jumpstart engagement for those of us looking to share our stories with wider audiences.

Here are a few highlights from the chat:

• Substack consolidates everything, so there’s no juggling multiple platforms.

• A short daily kindness practice on Notes can spark real connections.

• Curating your feed (muting or unfollowing what doesn’t serve you) keeps your space inviting.

• The half-life of a Note is impressively long, meaning new readers keep finding you.

• Community matters: hearing Leslie talk about her cooking adventures proves how passions flourish here.

Get more from Kristin Tweedale in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

Give the replay a watch when you can, because these tips might be exactly what you need to build a Substack Notes routine that fits into your life. And check out Sarah’s Substack at Work for even more tips and tricks to level up your Substack.

Substack Writers at Work with Sarah Fay

The only expert guide to Substack: Build your platform, produce your best work, and earn the income you deserve | One of the top three Substacks, globally

Thank you for creating this opportunity to chat with you and during your live video!